TOTES

I have been chided for using the word 'totes' (shorthand for totally) by my friend, Stacy. She is under the impression that 'totes' is strictly for use by gay men. Lesbians, according to Stacy, should never use the word. "It's a gay man word." She is equally stringent with the word 'obvs' (obviously).

It should be noted that my last car was a mini cooper, and that I have profound love for Chaka Kahn, and that song 'Let's Hear if for the Boy'. I also like tight t-shirts and Mike Lowell of the Red Sox. Am I a gay man?

I have thought long and hard about it (no gay-man pun intended), and have come to the conclusion that my lesbian interests far exceed those of my gay man interests.

I'm married to a woman, I love long shorts and baseball caps, I watch baseball on TV, write a lesbian blog, went to a folk festival this summer, am a vegetarian, and wear patchouli. I couldn't be more of a lesbian if I had boobs tattooed on my face. Well, maybe that would make me a little more of a lesbian.

Regardless, I hereby declare that as of today, September 11th, 2009, I shall use the words 'totes' and 'obvs' whenever I please, without the fear of being mistaken as a gay man.

The end.