9 steps to end pms and make your wife happy

Last month I began a strict regimen of supplements in an attempt to end the hellish bitchiness I've been sharing with the world every month. To my surprise this month, I had little to no mood swings or irritability, no cravings, and much less cramping. And now my wife can like me every day. Hooray!

1. Calcium

The Hormone shift that occurs after ovulation can lower your calcium levels. Prolonged calcium deficiency can result in irritability and other pms-like symptoms. Plus, you won't get osteoporosis. Take 1000mg/day.

2. Magnesium

Deficiency of this mineral can cause irritability, depression, confusion, and muscle aches. Take 400mg/day.

3. Zinc

Zinc is crucial to serotonin and dopamine production, which regulate mood. The post-ovulation hormone shift can cause zinc deficiencies. Take 15mg/day.

4. B6

B6 is also crucial to serotonin and dopamine production. Take 100mg/day to jump-start the process.

5. Evening Primrose Oil

The fatty acid in Evening Primrose Oil has anti-inflammatory properties, which causes it to ease tenderness and cramps usually associated with pms. Take 3000mg/day.

6. Flax Seed Oil

Flax Seeds contain phytoestrogen, a weaker form of the estrogen our bodies produce. Taking 3000mg/day can help with mood swings and tenderness, as well as heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and a million other things. Just take it.

7. Vitex

The ancient Greeks used Vitex, also known as Chasteberry or Monk's Pepper, to aleviate the symptoms of PMS. Hippocrates used to make women lay in a Chasteberry bush and drink red wine. Doesn't that sound lovely? But seriously, it is believed that Vitex stimulates the pituitary gland, which makes the hormones that control the menstrual cycle. Take 1200mg/day.

8. Saint John's Wort

Saint John's Wort not only has a mood stabilizing effect, which is great for PMS, but is also a diuretic. 900mg/day will help reduce fluid retention and will hasten the removal of toxins from your body. Pee out your pain!

9. Emotional Wellness

This might very well be a miracle supplement. Emotional Wellness is a combination of amino acids, herbs, and vitamins that promote cognitive function, mental well-being, and help moderate stress. All I know is, I feel freaking fantastic. Take 3 capsules/day.

(And because I won't be held liable if you get hurt - Don't take supplements without consulting a doctor, with SSRIs, MAO inhibitors, or if you are a pregnant lactating lady.)