Khnumhotep & Niankhkhnum

Welcome to Gay History Month! For the entire month of October, we will be posting about important events in gay history. Check back often for updates! Now let's head waaay way back to the 24th century BCE.

Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum are considered to be the first recorded same-sex couple in the history books. The tomb of these two was discovered in 1964 by an Egyptologist named Ahmed Moussa in the necropolis at Saqqara, Egypt. It is very rare to find men of equal status buried in the same tomb.

They were royal servants, and shared the title of Overseer of the Manicurists in the palace of King Niuserre. In their joint tomb, they are marked as "royal confidants". In wall paintings found in the tomb, the two are seen holding hands, and posing with their arms around each other. In the most prolific, they are embracing with their noses touching, in the most intimate pose allowed in Egyptian art. Nose touching was considered a form of kissing.

Niankhkhnum means "joined to life", and Khnumhotep means "joined to the blessed state of the dead". Combined, they names can be translated as "joined in life and joined in death".

The tomb was opened to the public in 1990, and has since become a huge gay tourist attraction.

Happy Birthday T-Pain!

September 30: The great rap artist T-Pain celebrates his 26th birthday today.
T-Pain was born in Florida, the "T" is for Tallahassee.  T-Pain has released three auto-tune laden hit albums, his second, "Epiphany," features the number one single "Buy U A Drank."  T-Pain is also featured on the cult classic, "I'm On A Boat".

Also, if you are one of the powerful and magical owners of the iPhone and you haven't downloaded T-Pain's auto-tune app yet...you're crazy.  Do it now.

Emily and NEYO

I recently downloaded the Celebrity Playlist podcast from itunes, which had an episode by the Indigo Girls. The podcast asks celebrities what their favorite 10 songs are, and in this episode both Emily and Amy contributed 10 songs. Amy's list included some folk, rock, and (of course) Prince.

Emily, on the other hand, couldn't have picked songs farther away from what I had expected. Her list included MIA, Sia, Rihanna, NeYo, Public Enemy, and some new rap I had never heard of. It made me immediately feel like everything I have ever assumed about Emily is wrong, and it probably is. I was compelled to do a little research on Ms. Emily, and here's what I found.

Emily is the co-owner of Watershed restaurant in Decatur, Georgia.

The menu is upscale southern food, including fried catfish with hush puppies, okra pancakes with yellow squash and cucumber salad, and pimento cheese sandwiches. For desert they serve warm cookies and milk, which I imagine would be the best milk and cookies ever.

Aside from the restaurant, Emily has co-written a book with her father Don, a theology professor at Emory University, called A Song to Sing, a Life to Live: Reflections on Music as Spiritual Practice.

She also scored the short film One Weekend a Month, which is perfectly gorgeous and delicate. She certainly has another career option if she every gets tired of touring.

But seriously though, she loves NEYO, and that makes me love her. How wonderful would it be to run into her at a Neyo concert?

Wyclef Jean Goes to College

Grammy winner Wyclef Jean is going to college to further his education.  I know you're wondering which college exactly - well I'll tell you, or I'll let him tell you...

"I am enrolling in Berklee College in Boston to get my bachelor's degree in music!" -Wyclef Jean

Imagine sitting next to him in ear training class...

In addition to going back to school Wyclef will be releasing an album on Nov 10 (and guess who get's to work on it...me).

The Funniest Protest Signs of '09

You MUST read these protest signs. They make me love americans again. Here's one to wet your whistle (and I promise to never say that phrase again, but you have to promise read the signs. Deal?). Huffington Post: Funniest Protest Signs of '09.

Paul Abdul pokes fun at Ellen

Paula Abdul danced her way into The VH1 Divas show, doing a pretty spot-on impersonation of Ellen. Was it a jealous attempt at revenge, or simply a good humored joke?

VH1 Divas | Divas Video

I'm pregnant! It's not yours...

Time for some more lolz.  As always Ellen brings them...

all night long. (all night)

all night long. (all night)

all night long. (all night)
all night long. (all night)
all night long. (all night)
all night long. (all night)
...alright you get the idea...

Lesbian de-motivation

That's right kids. Lesbian lizards...err...having sex?...is very serious business.

No Moleste!

Just because... well because it's Tig.  And it's hump day.  And we all need to laugh.  The end. Period. Are you scared?

Juliette Lewis & the thetans...

So, went to see Juliette Lewis play The Fillmore in NYC this past Saturday. First of all she's a rockstar. As Elspeth has pointed out, clearly Peaches and WonderWoman had a baby in vetro... and named her Juliette Lewis. Secondly, I find this whole odd connection between Scientology and amazing musicians to be quite startling... 
Perhaps thetans are phenomenal entertainers...perhaps... in that case I wish more artists would go get themselves audited.  Anyway, not to shamelessly promote but Juliette has a new CD out called, Terra Incognita, and well...it's really good, because she's a Scientologist. hah. 

J Lewis crowd surfing at The Fillmore, NYC 9.19.09

Bonny and Read: Lesbian Pirates

Ahoy readers! In light o' national natter like a pirate day, I brin' ye a tale o' true lesbian love.

Anne Bonny is perhaps the most famous of all female pirates. Her adventures begin when she and her husband, John 'Calico Jack' Rackham, moved to an island in the Bahamas. New Providence was a British-controlled island, known to be a haven for pirates. It was here that Anne met her new best friend Pierre Bouspeut, who was most certainly gay. Pierre ran a coffee shop, was a hairdresser, but was most notably a dressmaker.

Anne and Pierre got word that a richly laden merchant ship would be sailing by New Providence. They procured an abandoned ship, covered its sails in turtle blood, and put a dress-making dummy on the front of the ship. Then, they set sail for the merchant ship. When the crew saw the demonic ship approaching, the were so terrified that they willingly gave up all of their cargo. After this first pirating success, Anne, Pierre, and Calico Jack made a career out of it.

After many years of pirate adventures, the King of England offered pardons to all pirates who would give up their lifestyle and agree to reform. The three eventually agreed, and made a home in the countryside of New Providence. This is where Anne meets Mary Read, also known as 'Mark'.

Long ago, Mary's mother dressed her as a boy to claim insurance on her deceased son, Mark. Mary took a liking to this cross dressing, and began to live as Mark on her own accord. She joined the army as a foot soldier, and eventually signed on to a merchant ship as Mark Read. That ship was overtaken by pirates, whom she was persuaded to join. She was later pardoned by the king, and sent back to New Providence to make a new life.

Anne and Mary were fast friends. They soon re-formed their pirating crew, where the two were hardly ever apart. At this time, Calico Jack was still under the assumption that Mary was 'Mark', a male. Jack became jealous of the close friendship shared between the two. One day, he burst into the cabin to find Mary stretched out on Anne's bed, not fully clothed and clearly a woman.

Mary and Anne remained inseparable until they were captured by Captain Barnet, who sent them to jail. Both women pretended to be pregnant in order to avoid the death penalty, which worked like a charm. Unfortunately, the two did not escape and live happily ever after as wife and wife. Mary died of pneumonia in jail, and it seems Anne completely disappeared, never to be seen again.

POP QUIZ!

So you think you remember all the characters of the L word? Including their first and last names? Take the quiz!

Write down your answers on a separate piece of paper. NO CHEATING! Then put your answers in a comment. Please and thank you for playing. The winner receives a free 3 full minutes of me thinking nice thoughts for you.

1. Karina Lombard 2. Eric Mabius 3. Dallas Roberts 4. Cybill Shephard 5. Marlee Matlin 6. Daniela Sea

7. Sarah Shahi 8. Erin Daniels 9. Leisha Hailey 10. Mia Kirshner 11. Jennifer Beals 12. Laurel Holloman

13. Rose Rollins 14. Katherine Moennig 15. Eric Lively 16. Pam Grier 17. Rachel Shelley 18. Janina Gavankar (who knew?)

9 steps to end pms and make your wife happy

Last month I began a strict regimen of supplements in an attempt to end the hellish bitchiness I've been sharing with the world every month. To my surprise this month, I had little to no mood swings or irritability, no cravings, and much less cramping. And now my wife can like me every day. Hooray!

1. Calcium

The Hormone shift that occurs after ovulation can lower your calcium levels. Prolonged calcium deficiency can result in irritability and other pms-like symptoms. Plus, you won't get osteoporosis. Take 1000mg/day.

2. Magnesium

Deficiency of this mineral can cause irritability, depression, confusion, and muscle aches. Take 400mg/day.

3. Zinc

Zinc is crucial to serotonin and dopamine production, which regulate mood. The post-ovulation hormone shift can cause zinc deficiencies. Take 15mg/day.

4. B6

B6 is also crucial to serotonin and dopamine production. Take 100mg/day to jump-start the process.

5. Evening Primrose Oil

The fatty acid in Evening Primrose Oil has anti-inflammatory properties, which causes it to ease tenderness and cramps usually associated with pms. Take 3000mg/day.

6. Flax Seed Oil

Flax Seeds contain phytoestrogen, a weaker form of the estrogen our bodies produce. Taking 3000mg/day can help with mood swings and tenderness, as well as heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, and a million other things. Just take it.

7. Vitex

The ancient Greeks used Vitex, also known as Chasteberry or Monk's Pepper, to aleviate the symptoms of PMS. Hippocrates used to make women lay in a Chasteberry bush and drink red wine. Doesn't that sound lovely? But seriously, it is believed that Vitex stimulates the pituitary gland, which makes the hormones that control the menstrual cycle. Take 1200mg/day.

8. Saint John's Wort

Saint John's Wort not only has a mood stabilizing effect, which is great for PMS, but is also a diuretic. 900mg/day will help reduce fluid retention and will hasten the removal of toxins from your body. Pee out your pain!

9. Emotional Wellness

This might very well be a miracle supplement. Emotional Wellness is a combination of amino acids, herbs, and vitamins that promote cognitive function, mental well-being, and help moderate stress. All I know is, I feel freaking fantastic. Take 3 capsules/day.

(And because I won't be held liable if you get hurt - Don't take supplements without consulting a doctor, with SSRIs, MAO inhibitors, or if you are a pregnant lactating lady.)

Today's Nerdy Pie Chart

Special thanks to Dagger party.

Speaking out of turn is the new gay.

Obviously it's the newest trend...check it out.

Click here to watch this ridiculous interruption.

TOTES

I have been chided for using the word 'totes' (shorthand for totally) by my friend, Stacy. She is under the impression that 'totes' is strictly for use by gay men. Lesbians, according to Stacy, should never use the word. "It's a gay man word." She is equally stringent with the word 'obvs' (obviously).

It should be noted that my last car was a mini cooper, and that I have profound love for Chaka Kahn, and that song 'Let's Hear if for the Boy'. I also like tight t-shirts and Mike Lowell of the Red Sox. Am I a gay man?

I have thought long and hard about it (no gay-man pun intended), and have come to the conclusion that my lesbian interests far exceed those of my gay man interests.

I'm married to a woman, I love long shorts and baseball caps, I watch baseball on TV, write a lesbian blog, went to a folk festival this summer, am a vegetarian, and wear patchouli. I couldn't be more of a lesbian if I had boobs tattooed on my face. Well, maybe that would make me a little more of a lesbian.

Regardless, I hereby declare that as of today, September 11th, 2009, I shall use the words 'totes' and 'obvs' whenever I please, without the fear of being mistaken as a gay man.

The end.

Ellen named as the new American Idol Judge

I never watch American Idol, but I've just found a reason to start: Ellen Degeneres announced on her show today that she will be replacing Paula Abdul as the new judge for American Idol.

"This is so exciting for me. We've been dealing with this for the last couple of weeks and I've been dying to tell everyone. It's just been so hard to keep it a secret and we just finally got the OK. I don't know how it happened myself, but I have not missed one episode of that show. I've watched every single thing. I love everything about it and I love music, as you know."

Sigh. I have once again been roped into watching reality TV by the lesbians.

You can watch her announcement here.

Happy Holiday Weekend!!

Hope that you all enjoy your holiday weekend... I'm wishing you lots of beer and queso!!

The Real Lesbian 'Housewives'

Back in March of '09, The once groundbreaking series "The L Word" came to a less-than-wonderful conclusion, leaving both gays and straights wondering what would be next. The spin-off rumors began before the finale even aired, suggesting that Leisha Hailey (Alice) would star in her own show "The Farm", about lesbians in prison. Unfortunately, or thankfully, it never made it past the pilot stage. And just when I was beginning to think that Ilene Chaiken might have been a one-show-wonder, "The Real L Word: Los Angeles" was announced.

Remember all the fuss about "The L Word" not portraying 'real' lesbians, or 'real' relationships? Well apparently Ilene took that heart. Think "Real Housewives of Orange County" meets "The L Word". Nope, it's not a hoax. Assuming the casting call goes well, the series will follow six lesbians leading everyday lives, which in Los Angeles, probably isn't all that everyday. The 9 episode series is being produced by Ilene and the creators of bravo's "Top Chef". It will apparently air alongside Showtime's new series "The C Word", a dark comedy about cancer starring Laura Linney.

And, yes, I will totally keep subscribing to Showtime for this. God help me.

Where's the Lesbian Love!??!?

Alright Ben & Jerry... we like that you like us gays, but seriously... how about a Lesbian flavor. I'll buy a pint of this Hubby Hubby for the person who comes up with the best name for a Ben & Jerry's Lesbian Wedding Flavor ice cream. And then we'll submit the idea to them.

Click here to read more about it:

Now More Than Ever, Vermont Is For Lovers...

Part 2

Very quickly, the girls decided it would be best if they all shared one apartment. When September 1st rolled around, they packed up a moving truck and headed for Roxbury, which is a ghetto just outside of Boston. Their new address was 5 Darling St., apartment #5. Immediately, they gathered their friends into a group which they named "The Five Darlings". Many bouts of hilarity occurred in the Darling apartment. The girls sprung for Showtime on cable. When it was The L Word season, the apartment was lined with pink wrapping paper; during the Weeds season, it was green. The walls were decorated with fine art work created by the darlings themselves. For recreation, the girls sat in the living room and wrote songs together. Once recorded, many were set to video, starring none other than the darlings. The band was named The Emperor Vespasian. Once, they even wrote a children's story about cats called, Katy and Her Two Pussies.

As it goes with every story, things were not always so perfect. When the girls graduated from college, NJ took a job in NYC, and Racecar girl got gay married and moved to the suburbs. The distance waned on the girls, and they soon began planning adventures that could be accomplished over the internet. They learned long distance song writing and recording. They learned the beauty of ichat. And then, just when they needed something more, they learned the art of blogging.